5 Effective Ways To Set Healthy Boundaries With An Addict

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Last updated on October 6, 2024 by Randy Withers

When a loved one struggles with addiction, you feel a rollercoaster of emotions. From helplessness to hope, from empathy to despair, the disease takes its toll. You want to do whatever it takes to help, but sometimes the best way to do that is by setting boundaries. Caring for a loved one should not come at the expense of their mental health.

Creating boundaries can be scary. You may worry what your loved one will do if you say no. However, enabling their harmful behaviors can cause more harm than good. Here’s how to set healthy boundaries while supporting someone with addiction.

How to set healthy boundaries: 5 points to consider

1. Know your limits

Boundaries define how you want others to treat you. They draw a line between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Before you can set one up, you need to understand its non-negotiables.

Ask yourself the following questions:

• What am I willing to tolerate?
• What are my values?
• Does this behavior negatively impact me?
• How can I protect my mental well-being?

2. Use clear communication

Communicating your boundaries sets expectations and consequences for you and your loved one. Avoid blame or accusations. Instead, use I statements to focus on how your actions make you feel. For example, you could say: “It scares me when you use [x].”

Choose the right time and place for conversations about boundary setting. Talk to your loved one when they are sober and in a calm environment.

3. Stay consistent

With consistency, boundaries retain their meaning. If your loved one feels that their behavior has no consequences, they will repeat it. Consistent boundaries are essential for the following reasons:

• Avoid confusion: If you respect your boundaries, your loved one will know what to expect.
• Build trust: Following through on what you say shows your loved one that they can trust you. Consistency provides much-needed stability to a person with addiction.
• Establish responsibility: Enforcing your boundaries allows your loved one to take responsibility. Instead of excusing their behavior, you hold them accountable.
• Motivate the change: Your loved one might emulate your setting of positive boundaries for their recovery. Realizing that your actions have consequences could encourage change.

4. Focus on self-care

Supporting someone with addiction affects their physical, mental and emotional health. Take time to replenish your energy.

Self-care can mean taking a walk, spending time with friends, or reading a book. You can’t support others when you are exhausted and worn out.

5. Encourage professional support

Recovery from substance abuse requires more than the support of family and friends. Professional treatment gives your loved one a better chance of overcoming their addiction, so encourage them to seek help.

Treatment methods for addiction recovery include:

• Therapy or counseling: Cognitive behavioral therapy focuses on changing addiction-related problems patterns. motivational interview promotes commitment and motivation to a goal like recovery from addiction.
• Hospital rehabilitation: Patients remain in a center for a certain time. Treatments include group sessions, individual psychotherapy and medication.
• Outpatient rehabilitation: People live at home but attend therapy or group sessions.
• Peer Support Groups: People who want to overcome substance abuse meet regularly. These groups provide emotional support and reduce feelings of isolation. Examples include Narcotics Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, and SMART Recovery.
• Withdrawal management services: This treatment uses medications to help people safely stop using substances.

• Limit emotional energy: Supporting someone with an addiction can be exhausting. When you feel overwhelmed, take a step back. You control how much emotional energy you give to your loved one.
• Avoid enabling: It is natural to want to protect a loved one from the harmful effects of their substance abuse. When you do, you allow them to continue self-destructive patterns. By giving your loved one money, lying to them, or justifying your behavior, you may be enabling them.

2. Financial limits

Someone struggling with substance abuse can use their money to support their habit. It is often up to family and friends to give them money for rent or other living expenses. Financial limits include:

• Refrain from paying expenses: Paying bills or debts is an enabling behavior. Encourage your loved one to take responsibility for their finances. You can help them create a budget.
• Stop lending money: Let your loved one know that you will not lend them money for any reason.

3. Physical limits

You deserve to feel safe in your physical environment. Examples of physical limits are:

• Protect your personal space: Make it clear that your loved one should not be around you under the influence of alcohol. Identify personal areas and items that are out of reach.
• Set rules for the home: Communicate that you do not want drugs or alcohol in your home.
• Restrict time together: It can be easy to become consumed by your loved one’s addiction. Allow yourself a life outside of supporting them by limiting your time with them.

4. Support limits

Support someone with addiction can lead to a codependent relationshipwhere both people depend on each other in an unhealthy way. The supporter may sacrifice his or her own needs for the good of the person with addiction.

Consider setting limits such as:

• Promote treatment: Emphasize that you cannot support your loved one if they refuse to recover. You might say, “I want to support you, but I think a professional would be better equipped.”
• Learn to say “no”: Support is not unlimited. If your loved one asks you to do something that makes you uncomfortable, tell them no. Saying no doesn’t mean you love them any less; It means that you respect yourself and you want them to respect you.

5. Limits of communication

When you support someone with addiction, you may feel like you have to be there for them 24/7, but that’s not the case. You can set limits on when and how you communicate:

• Restrict calls or text messages: Limit calls during work or personal hours. Discuss what constitutes a reason for an emergency call. You may want to set certain times when you respond to messages.
• Establish ground rules for conversation: Indicate what is acceptable or unacceptable communication. Explain that aggressive or abusive language is prohibited. You will only engage in a respectful and calm discussion.

Final thoughts

Setting healthy boundaries can be scary at first. You might even feel guilty, like you’re letting your loved one down. On the contrary, boundaries allow you to support them while protecting your well-being.

These boundaries lay the foundation for a healthier relationship. Your loved one may have a better chance of recovery if they have a consistent example to follow.