By Kristen Abell, director of websites and digital projects at mental Health America
“He is just a fussy dining room,” I found almost everyone who had dinner when my son was younger. “I’m sure it will grow.”
“He is very sensitive to textures,” I explained when people were surprised that I didn’t want meat.
“It’s very particular, I don’t understand it, but it’s still growing, so I guess it’s fine,” I replied when they questioned the lack of variety on their dish.
He was often ashamed and felt that he had failed as a mother when my son rejected all the food he was given, just to ask for chicken nuggets (again) on the way home.
However, two years ago, all about how I saw my son’s eating habits changed. I was diagnosed with autism and recognized that my son was also probably autistic. And that was when I began to learn about the avoidative/restrictive food intake disorder, or ARFID, an eating disorder that is common for autistic people.
Arfid tends to differ from other eating disorders, since food challenges are rooted in factors that are not related to the desire for thinness or body shape. Rather, they tend to be driven by things like sensory problems, fear or even a lack of interest in eating. There is three types of arfid:
- Sensory -based arfid It is when someone fights with textures, tastes, colors or smells of food due to sensory problems. People with arfid based on sensors, such as my son, tend to have a very soft and colorless diet.
- Arfid based on fear It manifests itself as challenges with food because someone is afraid that they can drown, vomit or experience other uncomfortable problems associated with food.
- Lack of Arfid interest It is just what it seems: people with this type of arfid simply have no interest in eating, possibly because they do not even recognize the hunger signs of their body.
As I have begun to better understand that what my son experiences is an eating disorder, I have stopped pressing so much so that he tries new things, eats vegetables or changing his eating habits to reflect those around him. I have begun to investigate how a nutritional diet can eat better without triggering its sensory sensibilities and began to look for nutritionists who understand Arfid to better help us, and to make sure it remains healthy.
The greatest struggle has been that those around us understand that my son is not just a fussy dining room, this is a real eating disorder. I have relatives who still harass him regularly at meals, no matter how many times they have asked them to stop. There are people who do not understand that when we go for dinner and tell my 18 -year -old son what he would like in a menu, I am not only taking care of or reinforcing the bad habits.
As a mother, there is a lot of frustration and even shame, whether they want or not, people judge mothers about how their children eat. So I often want to shout from the rooftops that this is not a fault of mine or my son, it has an eating disorder! At the same time, I want to respect my son’s privacy and allow him to share with anyone, and not share with people too.
I recognize that it would be difficult for each person to be educated about each eating disorder that exists, I know that I am certainly not. However, I think we could all do is stop worrying and comment on the eating habits, diet and weight of other people when there may be more than we do not understand. And frankly, it is unnecessary.
Kristen Abell is director of websites and digital projects, writerand advocate for mental health and neurodivergencia.
