Fear, pain, shame, shame and other uncomfortable emotions are not pleasant. From time to time it is quite normal to avoid a situation, person, place or thing that can trigger an undesirable emotion, but when it interferes with its daily functioning and/or becomes a problematic recurring problem, it is clinically defined as emotional avoidance.
Emotional avoidance is anything that makes an emotion disappear or become less intense. We all do it at some point, but the problem with emotional avoidance is that we generally see emotion (and the physical feelings that come with it) as dangerous or threatening. In turn, many people do everything possible so that emotion disappears or becomes less intense. How do they do it exactly? Through five “strategies”, or rather, unproductive coping mechanisms, called total evasion, subtle avoidance, avoidance of thought, concern and security signs.
In my work as a founder and director of the Kentucky Center for Anxiety and Related DisordersI deal with many people who find it difficult to stop the emotional avoidance cycle. But it is possible to do and treat, and my patients live healthier, more full and more assertive lives.
Three types of emotional avoidance
A type of emotional avoidance is easy to recognize; Total avoidance It is completely avoiding a situation, or almost anything, which triggers an intense emotion. To avoid it, we often declare, whether external or internally, “I do not do _____” as if it were part of who we are. Total avoidance can include physical things or places like social meetings, speaking in public, multitudes, theaters, driving in the interstatal, open spaces, tunnels and bridges, as well as emotional processes such as apologizing, listening to certain songs or not wanting to have any contact with Someone who has previously harmed you.
Another type, subtle avoidanceIt refers to being in an awkward situation but not completely experiencing that situation. I mean this as “I’m there, but I’m not completely there.” For example, you have anxiety ordering food in a restaurant. Although he requests his food, he never makes visual contact with the person who takes his order. Other examples include sitting alone in another room during family gatherings or not talking to someone in a social situation, leading your car to social events “in case you get anxious and need to leave early, always using the auto-checkout line in A supermarket to avoid people, not see a sad scene in a movie, or sit in a hall seat in a theater in case you feel that it is in danger and “need” to escape.
Avoid thinkingHowever, another strategy of emotional avoidance refers to the things it does to keep your mind out of uncomfortable thoughts. The examples include removing negative thoughts (that return), distraction with things such as video games, television, music or even take a nap. One of the most common thought avoidance strategies that affects many people is something that we are all familiar: to worry.
Worry as an avoidance strategy and why it doesn’t work
Worry, a strategy in which avoids the emotions and negative images of the feared result (it is unlikely to happen) it is often misunderstood. As a Christian, I think that all emotions are a gift from God, even the “bad”, but as a clinic I also know that we do not have to be dominated by emotions such as concern and that we can live with emotional maturity. Concern is not only useless, but it can deceive us, Jesus himself tells us not to do it, and the therapists know it is unproductive. In my recent book, Dominate our emotions: biblical principles for emotional healthI explain how we can experience emotional transformation. Using my therapeutic experience and providing exercises, working sheets, indications of reflection and readings of the Scriptures, I help readers to better understand thought patterns, emotional triggers and avoidance behaviors.
Identifying concern is an essential ability to recognize the process of concern so that we can control it and, hopefully, get it out of our minds. Concern is not anxiety, but an anxiety response. And although the intentions are good, people often try to use concern to handle their anxiety, but it never works. Anxiety and concern have a bidirectional relationship; Anxious thoughts often lead to concern as an attempt to handle anxiety, but concern as a strategy leads to more anxiety in the future.
Problem solving instead of worrying
Concern occurs in our brains to get our attention from “see” the images of the feared result and avoid processing the emotions associated with that feared result. For example, suppose you get anxious for an unknown physical sensation in your body. To deal with anxiety, you are worried about the physical symptom. You consult Google for hours so the symptoms could mean, asking family or friends if these symptoms are normal, seek online remedies or even distract with something else. In the short term, you feel relief because it seems that you are solving problems.
But really what you are doing is feeding the concern and that leads to more anxiety over time. In fact, most people care about events that have a very low probability of happening. The true problem solving, on the other hand, leads to resolution and a decrease in anxiety.
Security signals: What are emotional avoidance?
One of the most subtle avoidance strategies you can use in emotional avoidance is called “security signal.” It is anything: a bottle of water, an essential oil, a figure, a mobile phone or other device, or even a specific person or pet, you should have with you to feel more comfortable in a situation that perceives as dangerous.
Security signs work by reinforcing the idea that situations are not safe unless you have this object or person with you. Many people are conditioned to handle intense emotions in this way. As a result, when the object or the person is not there for a dangerous / uncomfortable situation, the limbic system is activated and intense emotions occur. As such, he learns to associate feeling less distressed with your security signal and becomes a habit for you to have it. And it may avoid the intensity of short -term emotions, but maintain safety signs with you maintains the intensity of these long -term emotions.
Sometimes it may be necessary to have a support person with you in situations that are in a challenging or dangerous realist both security. He points out that they do not see them as a problem until they have the article with them.
Adapted from Dominate our emotions By Kevin Chapman. © 2025 By Kevin Chapman. Used by intervary press permission. www.ivpress.com.
