Recognizing & Addressing Inappropriate Co-Parenting — Talkspace

Examples of Inappropriate Co-Parenting Behaviors

Research shows that shared parenting can work for children under a shared custody agreement. A healthy coparenting relationship can lead to positive development, better adult relationships, and overall well-being for the child. However, even under the best of circumstances, co-parenting can be challenging, especially if you suspect or know of inappropriate behavior.

Recognizing what inappropriate co-parenting behaviors can look like is the first step to changing things.

Talking bad about the other parent

It is never okay for a parent to speak badly about the other in front of a child. This type of behavior causes confusion, anxiety and loyalty conflicts that can damage the child’s psyche. It can also undermine the child’s relationship with both parents. Worse yet, it fosters an environment of hostility and mistrust.

“If children see one parent speaking badly about the other, they are significantly more likely to engage in triangulation. “Children begin to imitate their parents’ bad words, which can translate into how they treat their friends, colleagues, and other professionals.”

– Talkspace Therapist Dr. Meaghan Rice, LPC

Using the child as a messenger

Using a child to transmit messages between parents is completely inappropriate. It is stressful and a responsibility that children should not have. It causes emotional tension, as the child becomes a conduit of communication that is probably too mature for him. Parents should always communicate directly with each other and have their children’s best interests in mind.

Manipulate the child’s affection

Manipulating a child’s feelings toward another parent is emotional abuse that is never appropriate. This behavior usually involves guilt-tripping, bribing, deceiving, or influencing how the child perceives the other parent, which can eventually lead to parental alienation.

Bullying the other parent

Bullying takes many forms and can include things like excessive calling, texting, aggressive confrontations, showing up when uninvited or unwanted, or anything else that disrupts a cooperative and peaceful co-parenting dynamic. Behavior like this creates a toxic environment that will negatively affect everyone.

Interfere with the other parent’s time.

In most co-parenting situations, it is common for children to have designated time with each parent. Interfering with another’s scheduled parenting time, through a last-minute change or intentional interruption, is disruptive and confusing for the child. A consistent visitation schedule agreement is essential for the child to feel that he or she has stability and predictability in his or her environment.

Inconsistent parenting rules

Although it may be difficult, it is important to find a way to have consistent parenting rules in both homes. Inconsistent parenting plans, rules, or expectations between homes can upset a child and undermine discipline in one home or another. Parents should strive to match parenting styles and rules and should reach a private agreement so that the child does not have difficulty understanding limits and expectations.

Information retention

Withholding information about a child’s well-being (including medical problems, school progress, social activities, or important events) is unfair to the other parent. Being transparent and having open communication with each other about your child’s needs is crucial in this type of parenting plan.

“When one parent withholds information from another parent and children begin to understand what is happening, they can adapt to a culture full of omissions. And when children stop sharing what is bothering them, they are often seen acting out.”

– Talkspace Therapist Dr. Meaghan Rice, LPC