In a world that often pushes us to extremes, the all-or-nothing mentality can seem like an implacable adversary.showing up to sabotage your progress toward your goals like an ever-present Whack-A-Mole, only a lot less cute. This mentality traps you in a cycle of rigid rules and high-stakes decisions, where it seems like you have to give it your all or do nothing at all.
For those seeking better health and fitness or any type of personal growth, this can be a major obstacle. In fact, aThe all-or-nothing mentality makes it much harder for you to succeed, since doing everything, right now, absolutely perfectly is the only way you feel you can be happy. And let’s face it, it’s rarely possible for any of us to do everything, right now, absolutely perfectly. Therefore, all-or-nothing thinking will condemn you to rarely feeling successful, which will fuel a lot of frustration and self-criticism.
All or nothing thinking it makes every decision a choice between two extremes and eliminates all other possibilities. Basically, you are telling yourself that you have to choose: (A) Do ALL THE THINGS and try so hard that you burn out and feel exhausted; ohr (B) do absolutely nothing and sabotage all your past efforts towards your goal.
But what if there was another way? Instead of choosing between tireless effort or complete inaction, what if we adopted a third option: doing something? somestuff? What if you could give yourself permission to strategically “half-way” some things in your life and in fact Move towards your goals instead of feeling like you always need to start over?
I have helped many women break free from the all or nothing mentality using the simple and effective ACT Formula. Don’t worry, I’ll guide you through it.
How to recognize your all or nothing mentality
At some point, many of us learned that our worth is determined by how much we do. And, if so, you may be holding an underlying belief that the more you do, the more people will value you. This can lead to an approach to life where only 100% of your efforts are valuable.
But. Let’s face it, 100% efforts are the exception, not the rule. Most days you won’t have 100% to give to just one thing, let alone multiple things. no one can keep press the accelerator pedal to the floor without needing a break or being forced by exhaustion, illness or injury.
So, if you believe that only 100% of the efforts are valuable and worth doing, you will not take action when you cannot complete the task perfectly, you will not do all the training with the same or heavier weight than last time , nor will you cook the perfect meal. “healthy” food.
If you Rely on perfect circumstances to stay committed to your goals, you won’t take much action because We all know that life rarely gives us PERFECT circumstances.
In my experience as a coachIt looks a lot like this:
- “I don’t have a full hour to work out, so I’m not going to the gym.”
- “I already ate like shit on Friday, so there’s no point in trying to eat healthy for the rest of the weekend.”
- “If I can’t finish cleaning the closet today, then I’m not going to start.”
- “I’ve already missed two daily walks this week, so I’ll skip the rest and start again next week.”
Long-term sustainable improvements in health, fitness and personal growth are always incremental and made step by step. The all-or-nothing mentality prevents you from taking small steps, which means you don’t progress. And when you are able to rally, take massive action, and take a leap forward, you won’t be able to sustain it because you can’t replicate that huge leap every day or even every other day for a long time.
The emotional result of the all-or-nothing mentality? A spiral of shame That keeps you stuck and perpetuates the all-or-nothing thinking that got you here.
How to Break Free from the All or Nothing Mentality
The good news is that you CAN change this cycle by committing to three simple steps.
Awareness + Compassion + Thinking differently = the ACT formula.
Whenever you choose to fulfill a commitment, follow these 3 steps:
- Bring CONSCIOUSNESS to your thinking. Recognize the thoughts that make you think your only options are to do everything perfectly or skip it altogether. Look what’s really going on with curiosity. “Wow, I had a hard time saying no today. I ended up taking on WAY MORE than I really wanted to. That’s super interesting.” Or… “I feel the need to abandon my goal of 8,000 steps for the day because it’s already noon and I haven’t gotten off the couch.” Actively warning that this is happening.
- Have COMPASSION for these thoughts instead of judging them. Now that you’ve become aware of all or nothing, consider how you would respond to a friend in your position. We are quick to judge our own thoughts, but we would have 10 times more compassion if it were a friend. Be a friend to yourself. There is a part of you that really just wants to be noticed, acknowledged, and seen without judgment.
- THINK about the situation differently. Take a logical approach. Ask yourself:
- What am I afraid will happen if I don’t do this perfectly? What do I think will happen if it is only partially completed now?
- How can I adjust my original commitment to fit my current circumstances?
- Maybe add a handful of vegetables and protein to your next meal even though you had cake and pizza at your daughter’s birthday party last night.
- Maybe put on your favorite songs from 2000 and have a dance party in your room for 10 minutes to get your heart rate up even though you fell asleep and don’t have a full hour to go to the gym.
You got this, baby!
Breaking free from the all-or-nothing mentality is about embracing the power of imperfect, incremental progress. By recognizing that every small step counts and allowing ourselves to be human, we can dismantle the rigid expectations that keep us stuck and stressed.
The ACT (Awareness, Compassion, and Thinking Differently) formula offers a practical and empowering path to changing our thinking and cultivating sustainable personal growth. As you incorporate these steps into your daily life, remember that perfection is not the goal; progress is. By prioritizing these small, meaningful changes, you will find yourself on a more satisfying journey toward your goals, free from the weight of unattainable perfectionism.
Ready to take this approach and watch your path to success become clearer and more achievable? I will support you! -Alex
