I feel like I’ve reached a point where I have no mental health. I mean, my mental health is so depleted that it doesn’t exist at all anymore. I guess I’m referring to my inability. A human being, a brain, can only handle so much. Eventually, we all reach a breaking point. So what do you do when you get to that point? What do you do when you have no mental health at all?
What it’s like to experience Mentla’s health collapse
I’ve had a very bad year. I’ve had personal and interpersonal losses. Added to this was the loss of a job. It’s more than I can handle. I have a to-do list and I don’t do things, even as simple as making phone calls, because I’m completely incapacitated. I haven’t vacuumed my carpet in months. I haven’t dusted my apartment in months. Just getting dishes through the dishwasher seems like a challenge. Plus a lot of other issues.
All this results in an endless sorting. I analyze the things I have to do. I select the one that worries me most at the moment. I select the thing without which life cannot survive. And then I do that thing as best I can, avoiding everything else. I have to talk myself through the thing as if I were a child. Each small step must be listed and completed consciously with great effort.
Then I look at the list and select what I’m most worried about right now. And I repeat. And I repeat. Everything is at a critical point when I get to it.
Every single thing I do is great, of course. The problem is that I have so little capacity that I can’t get ahead. By the time I get one thing done, three other things are on fire. I take about a tablespoon a day. That’s just not enough. No mental health and is causing enormous disability.
I feel like I’m walking through a loud, crowded crowd with a scared four-year-old. I take him by the hand and say in the calmest (but stressed) voice possible, “Now, take a step to the left. Now, to the right. Okay. Let’s go straight.” And so on.
What it feels like to have no mental health
And as for how I feel? I try not to, in general. I just try to concentrate. I just try to focus on the little thing in front of me and block out everything else. I am aware that I am depressed, but I don’t have time to feel it. Anxiety is in the foreground. Anxiety so terrible that I feel like my nerves are being electrocuted. It’s a very physical (and psychological) sensation. There are also obsessive, intrusive, endless thoughts mixed with anger.
What you need to know about mental health problems
I know this is bad. I know this is really bad. I know this is temporary. I have no idea what temporary is, but I know the rest of my life won’t be like this. At some point, something will change. It always does.
I have no doubt that the repercussions of this moment will be felt for a long period of time. However, that period will not last forever. I guess that is the crux of hope. It is the knowledge that all pain, no matter how terrible and dramatic, does not remain at a level 10+ forever.
Please also note this warning: I am getting help for my mental health issues and if you are at the bottom of the barrel, you need to get professional help too. Mountains as big as these will not move on their own.
If you can’t cope with poor mental health
The first thing to know is that I am controlling this. I am breathing. I am eating. I am sleeping. I am not a danger to myself or anyone else. However, if this is not true for you. If you cannot keep an eye on reality, if you are not feeding yourself, if you are harming yourself, or if you are neglecting those who need you (like pets or children), Please get professional help immediatelyOverwhelming conditions may require hospitalization to stabilize. This doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong. It just means you need a little extra help to get through it. While hospitalizations aren’t fun, they can save your life, and you’re worth it.
If you don’t have mental health and you can deal with it
If you are going through this horrible state and you do not pose a danger to anyone else or yourself, then there are some things you can do.
First, take a deep breath, try to relax, and be kind to yourself. Understand that you are going through something incredibly difficult and that you are doing the best you can. Treat yourself like you would treat anyone else who is going through something just as difficult. Beating yourself up for all the things you aren’t doing will only make the things you need to do harder.
Next, take frequent breaks. If you don’t have the strength to deal with what’s going on around you, you need to get more rest, not less. You’re trying to recharge your body, brain, and mind as much as possible. While this may seem like a losing battle, it will be even worse if you end up bedridden or hospitalized when you could have avoided it.
How to manage tasks when you have poor mental health
Next, my method of sorting is important. While I despise endless sorting, it really works to manage times when mental health is lacking. I recommend writing down everything you need to do and assigning it a priority. If you don’t feel like you can do this, get helpSomeone else may be able to see your life and what you need more clearly. Review this list every morning. Enjoy the feeling of checking something off your list, but don’t beat yourself up if your list keeps growing. Use reminders or to-do lists on your phone if they’re helpful.
Next, ask for reinforcements. Determine which things on your list can be handled by other people. Can someone else pick up your medication? Can someone else mow the lawn? Can someone else make dinner? Even if it’s a lower priority item, if someone else can do it, reach out to them and ask for help.
Next, get rid of what you can. Yes, I said my carpet hasn’t been vacuumed in months. I want to change that. I really do. But until I find the resources to do so, I’m letting it go. No one dies from having a dirty carpet.
Next, sit down to work on your first task. Keep in mind that you probably have very few mental resources available. This may mean that you find tasks that require a lot of intelligence challenging. It may also mean that you find tasks that take you out of the house challenging. It may also be that you are so tired that you find physical tasks challenging. Whatever your challenges are, acknowledge them and don’t judge them.
Instead, find ways to deal with the more challenging parts. One of the main ways I do this is to break things down into very small tasks. For example, I don’t empty the dishwasher; for various reasons, I find it overwhelming. So what I do is empty one thing every time I walk into the kitchen. If I feel good about that, I do one more. In the end, the task gets done without being overwhelming. Similarly, I prepare for tasks by making them easier. I can prepare the food I’m going to need for dinner at one time, and then cook it at a different time. Each smaller task seems more doable, while combined, they feel overwhelming.
An example of how to manage a task when you have poor mental health
As I said before, you may need to talk yourself through the task little by little while consciously telling yourself to take deep breaths. Remember that you are dealing with a very damaged brain, so talk to yourself slowly, calmly, and simply. For example, if you need to call someone to make an appointment, try explaining the process to yourself step by step, repeating each step in your head or even out loud as you go:
- Practice what you want to say in advance. Decide when you want to make the appointment.
- Be clear about your goals.
- Pick up the phone.
- Find the contact you need.
- Mark the contact.
- Talk to the contact.
- Please check your schedule again.
- Make a note of the appointment.
- Confirm the appointment by voice.
- Hang up the phone.
Yes, those are the steps to calling for an appointment. I’m sure you know them. That’s not the point. The point is to break everything down into small pieces and then walk you through them. It’s a rudimentary approach that’s needed when your higher-order brain isn’t working.
What to do when you feel like you have no mental health
All of the above is important. The coping techniques you use to manage tasks can help you get through the day to day and ensure you see a little progress along the way, even without mental health. That said, you need to go beyond task management, too. You need to consider how you can make a little improvement in your life. Yes, treatment is a big part of that. But so is giving yourself permission to take a day off. So is eating ice cream one day. So is grabbing coffee with a friend. I know dealing with extreme mental health issues is exhausting, and it can feel like you don’t have time for any of it. But, in truth, no one is going to die if they eat ice cream while reading a book and doing laundry tomorrow.
And trust that with work and help, your mental health will return. It has always been that way.
If you feel like your mental health has deteriorated, know that you are not alone. Share your story below or reach out to a mental health professional for support.
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