7 Tips for Dealing with Regret After Having Kids
Experiencing parenting regret is an isolating and challenging experience. However, there are practical steps you can take to manage your emotions and find balance and satisfaction in your role. The following 7 tips will help you deal with parenting regret so you can navigate your journey.
Talk to a therapist
Seeking professional help from a qualified and experienced therapist can be incredibly beneficial in helping you manage any regrets you may have. A therapist offers you a safe, non-judgmental place to explore what you are feeling so that you can identify the underlying causes. They can also help you develop strategies to deal with regret about parenthood. Therapy can also be instrumental in helping you address other mental health conditions you are dealing with, such as depression or anxiety, that could be contributing to your feelings.
Building a support network
Having a strong support network is essential if you’re finding parenting difficult. Reach out to trusted family members, friends or even local community groups to find a support network you can rely on. Having other people to talk to, share experiences with and confide in can make all the difference.
Practice self-care and make time for yourself
Self-care often takes a backseat when you’re trying to take on the all-consuming role of parent. However, taking care of your own needs is vital if you hope to care for someone else. Make it a priority to do activities that you enjoy and that help you relax. You might want to read a book, practice mindfulness, go for a walk, or take a nap. Whatever you do, self-care for parents helps you feel balanced and better handle parenting.
Communicate your feelings with your partner
Be honest with your partner and tell them that you may regret having children. This can strengthen your relationship and give you an ally during your darkest time. By sharing what you’re feeling and the worries you have, you can actually improve your relationship. Not to mention, your partner might be experiencing similar feelings as you, and talking about them can provide solidarity and support.
Focus on the positive aspects of having children
It’s normal for new parents to feel overwhelmed, but focusing on the positives can help shift your perspective. Reflect on happy moments and parenting milestones as much as possible and focus on the special bond you have with your child.
“The ability to reframe negative thoughts into more positive ones can be learned by talking to a therapist or participating in a support group. Seeking professional mental health services can be the key to reducing the isolation and coping with the regret that new mothers often experience.”
– Dr. Olga Molina, DSW, LCSW, Talkspace Therapist
Set realistic expectations
Regret sometimes stems from a feeling that you’re failing as a parent. Setting realistic expectations for yourself means acknowledging that perfection is unattainable. You’ll have good days and bad days as a parent—this is normal and okay. Parenting is a learning process and you’re expected to make mistakes, so be kind to yourself. Try to reduce the pressure you put on yourself to live up to unrealistic standards so you can feel at peace with your parenting experience.
Join parent support groups
Connecting with other parents who can understand what you’re going through can be incredibly comforting. Find a support group you can join, either online or in person, to share your feelings and receive encouragement from others.
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