Inside: As a mother and nutritionist, I have learned many important lessons after 20 years of feeding children. Some of them the hard way.
When I started Real Mom Nutrition, our firstborn was 5 years old.
Then I blinked and he turned 20.
There’s something about that kind of milestone – a new decade with round numbers – that makes you stop and reflect. And wipe away a few tears of happiness or sadness.
Like all parents, I’ve learned a lot of lessons along the way. For example, you won’t always be afraid when your child is behind the wheel of the car. And yes, kids will eventually pee in the potty without the promise of an M&M.
I’ve also learned a lot about feeding kids, and I learned some of those lessons the hard way.
1. The one bite rule works… until it doesn’t
Our oldest son would willingly try every new food and I thought I had it all figured out.
Until our second child arrived.
He wouldn’t take “just one bite,” and a battle of wills ensued, leaving us all miserable and exhausted (and that bite never taken).
The same applies to any type of feeding strategy or advice, even on this blog: what works perfectly for one child may not work for another.
Even two children raised in the same home with the same meals and routines can have very different preferences and habits. Case in point: while I was a very picky eater, my brother ate almost everything without complaining.
Learn more: Should you force your child to take just one bite?
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff
You know those moments when, as a parent, you wish you could start over, the ones that jolt you awake at 2 a.m. in a puddle of regret? (No? Is that just me?)
One of them happened at an Ohio State University football game, where I had a meltdown because the kids wanted soda. Tempers flared and I ruined what could have been a fun family day. Because of the sugar.
Back then, I worried that every bite or sip was decisive, that I was somehow condemning my children to a life of disease and sugar addiction if we didn’t ask for water.
Fortunately, over the years I have relaxed a lot and found a much healthier mindset regarding food and balance for my children and myself.
Get more: How intuitive eating can help you make peace with food
3. Serve salads early and often.
I punish myself for some things, but I’m glad I made this decision: I started serving green salads to my kids when they were little and now they both happily eat them and order them at restaurants.
I put a lot of value on this for a couple of reasons:
- They saw salad almost every night for dinner and learned that vegetables, especially leafy greens, are not gross.
- They learned to eat different types of food mixed together, such as grated carrots or diced peppers. Eating mixed foods is a big deal for some kids, especially picky eaters.
Learn more: How to Teach Your Kids to Love Salad
4. Preparing just one meal makes you free
Since I was previously an extremely picky eater and rarely ate what my dear mother cooked for dinner, I did not want to eat buttered noodles with my own children.
So from the beginning, I just did one meal every night, deconstructing some mixed plates (like the photo above) and allowing kids to opt out of certain components of the meal, such as a particular sauce or vegetable, if they wish.
I made sure there was something on the table that they liked, even if it was just rice, and decided it would be okay if they occasionally ate just that rice for dinner.
In my opinion, if I didn’t give my kids a free dinner card in the form of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or chicken nuggets, they’d have more incentive to eat what I made. And, for the most part, I did.
Learn more: The Dinner Time Rule That Will Change Your Life
5. People’s food choices are their own business
I cringe when I read some of my early posts. I was judgmental and butted into other people’s business, especially when it came to snacks for sports fans.
I learned the hard way that food choices are emotional and personal, especially when it comes to what people feed their children, and that I have no right to tell other people what to do.
Sometimes those food choices affected my own children, like when they brought cupcakes to soccer fields after practice.
But there are better ways to achieve change than shaming or mocking.
Do I still believe in healthy snacks for the team? Yes. Would I have liked to have done it differently? Yes, too.
Learn more: How parents can create a healthy snack plan for kids who play sports
6. The only constant is change
It’s Murphy’s Law of parenting: once you feel like you’ve finally mastered a phase or stage, everything changes.
But I’ve found that the opposite is also true. Just when you’ve accepted that your child will never like piano lessons, remember to say thank you or, like green beans, he may surprise you.
That’s why you should never rule out a food forever, even if your child has rejected it for a long time. yearsOur youngest son wouldn’t eat cucumbers, until one night he picked one out of a salad I had at a restaurant and told me he wanted to try them. Same with guacamole. Our oldest son refused to eat pesto for years before deciding it was good for him.
To this day, my mother still occasionally looks at my plate and says, “Are you eating that now?”
Learn more: Your child hates vegetables. Now what?
7. Hungry children are easier to feed
When my kids were little, my purse was filled with boxes of raisins and crackers. All it took was a hunger pang at Target and I never left home without an arsenal of snacks for my kids. Just in case.
But I learned that kids who eat all day are never hungry, which can make them… seem much more demanding than they really are.
Sure, snacks can be helpful, but it’s okay if kids are hungry. It’s only natural. So before you label your child a picky eater, think about how hungry he or she is when he or she sits down at the table.
Learn more: 5 Easy Mistakes That Make Picky Eating Habits Worse
8. Comparison is the thief of joy
Just because your friend’s kid loves quinoa doesn’t mean yours will, too. And just because that kid on Instagram brings sushi and cucumber salad in a bento box to school for lunch doesn’t mean your kid’s peanut butter and quinoa sandwich is inferior.
Comparing our child to someone else’s is never helpful, whether it’s how fast they slept through the night, what college they were accepted to, or what (and how much) they eat.
Learn more: The kind of eaters I want my kids to be and why boring packed lunches might be the best thing for some kids
9. Those two extra bites don’t matter
They could even make things worse.
How much time did I waste deciding how many more bites each child should take of each food on their plate before they were “done”? Too much time.
When I stopped micromanaging and started trusting my kids to eat what they needed, they actually did.
Yes, sometimes they would jump up from the table after a couple of bites and announce that they were hungry again as soon as the plates were cleared. But over time, they got the hang of it and I was able to focus on my plate again, not theirs.
Learn more: Why Pressuring Kids to Eat Doesn’t Work (and What to Do Instead)
10. Family dinner gets better
“Family dinner” sounds nice, but it isn’t always. Family dinner can be especially difficult when the kids are very young. They’re tired. You’re tired. Someone is spilling something. And someone is crying because their slice of pizza is cut into pieces, but they wanted the whole thing.
My husband and I have been through some rough dinners with our kids, but we haven’t lost sight of the goal: Kids certainly can’t throw tantrums about the color of their cup forever, and they’ll eventually learn to pour their own milk and sit in their seat for longer than two and a half minutes.
So we stuck with it and made family dinner a priority. Over time, it got much better. My oldest son even listed family dinner as his favorite family tradition on a college application (sob!!!).
Learn more: The Truth About Family Dinner
11. Even cranky kids should learn to cook
I tried again and again to get my kids involved in the kitchen. I was embarrassed to have a blog about children’s nutrition and write about the importance of teaching them to cook, but my two children did not like helping to prepare the food.
There were brief periods of enthusiasm and moments when they got the urge to cook or bake, but overall they resisted. And instead of pushing, I put on good podcasts and savored the time alone in the kitchen.
But now my college-aged son is getting ready to move out on his own, and I’m giving him a crash course in how to cook chicken breasts. I wish I’d made cooking a must. (Luckily, HelloFresh meal kits are helping me get my youngest son into the kitchen more often.)
Learn more: Easy and Healthy Meal Prep for College Students
12. Serve foods you don’t like
Another faux pas on our part. My husband and I are recovering from being picky eaters, and between the two of us, there are a handful of foods we still don’t like, like tomatoes and eggplant.
So I didn’t incorporate those foods into our meals, and as a result, our kids don’t eat them either. (Sad trombone plays)
I know there is still time. It is never too late to learn to enjoy a new food. But it would have been easier if we had done it from the beginning.
Learn more: I was a very picky eater. Here’s what I want you to know.
13. A happy dinner is more important than everything else.
It doesn’t matter how many bites of cauliflower they’ve had or who has their elbows on the table (like my son above!).
It matters if your children feel safe and accepted at the table, not scolded and punished for what they eat (or, rather, what they don’t eat).
So, as much as possible, make dinner enjoyable. Ask silly questions. Play small games. Know that it will get better.
Because time flies. And before you know it, you’ll miss having those little elbows on the table, too.
Learn more: Family Meal Conversation Topics That Get Kids Talking
