As told to Jacquelyne Froeber and Noelys Méndez
August 14th is National Financial Awareness Day.
I grew up in the countryside of Cuba in a traditional Cuban home.
My father was the breadwinner in the family. He worked hard on the small farm we had and took care of all of our finances. My mother also worked incredibly hard to make sure we had everything we needed. She would take the money my father gave her and magically get us food, cleaning supplies, clothes, etc., which was a full-time job considering where we lived.
Life was moving at a slow pace in our small town, but when I turned 19, I fell in love and things started moving very quickly. I moved from my family home to married life and got pregnant shortly after the wedding. Two months after I turned 20, I gave birth to a baby girl. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her and knew I would do anything to protect her and make her happy.
Unfortunately, I was not happy in my marriage. I wanted to keep the dream of having a family alive, but we were not right for each other and we separated just two years after getting married.
I was devastated, but deep down I knew it was the right thing to do. I knew we could both be happier than we were.
Still, I was surprised at how happy I could be. I met the love of my life about two years after the divorce. We had an instant connection and I knew he was my man.
Damian was handsome, caring and kind. Most importantly, he treated my daughter as if she were his own.
We naturally settled into our traditional, family-oriented roles. He was the provider, and we never talked about bills or finances before or after we got married. But when I got pregnant, we started talking about moving to the United States. Cuba has its economic limitations, and we wanted our daughters to have more opportunities and freedom to do what they wanted.
Osleidy and her daughter(s) and her husband Damián in Cuba, 2008
In 2010, we were able to make our dream come true and moved to Florida. Damian found a full-time job as an automotive technician and I stayed home with the kids.
Damian continued to take care of all the bills, the house and the cars. Everything was in his name.
Like my mother, I did all my shopping with the money he gave me. When I used a credit card, he paid the bill.
Money wasn’t tight, but I never took it for granted. Damian worked a lot, sometimes at night and on weekends. I felt like it was my job to help us save money, so finding the best deals and bargains became my superpower. I never wanted him to think I would take advantage of his amazing job.
We spent 12 wonderful years in the US before he was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2022. The news was an absolute shock. I told the doctor it must be a mistake. He was only 41! “Too young for cancer,” I insisted. Besides, we had plans. We lived a wonderful life. We had two beautiful girls and places to go and things to do.
But the cancer didn’t care.
The disease was relentless and cruel. For months, Damian remained bedridden at home, unable to work. I took over as his full-time caregiver and quit my part-time job. There was always the hope that maybe things would change and he would miraculously get better. But that didn’t happen. And without a steady income, we quickly ran out of money.
I was in caregiving mode, so I pushed aside the looming financial problems. Then one day, I suddenly realized that Damian wasn’t going to get better. It was all up to me now. My mother and my youngest daughter lived with us. I was responsible for keeping a roof over our heads. How was I going to do that?
A wave of panic washed over my body and I gasped for air. It was too much. “I can’t do this,” I whispered out loud. I was in mourning. I was exhausted. I didn’t have the strength to go on. I didn’t even know where to start.
But I knew who to ask. My oldest daughter was 25, and although she is married, she is in a same-sex marriage where she and her husband share the bills and ownership of their property.
I didn’t want to tell him I needed help, but I had no choice. I had to step up and learn to do things for myself. For our family.
Osleidy with her mother and two daughters, 2024
With my daughter’s help, we made a plan. The first thing I did was get all the bills and a notebook. I added up all the expenses to see how much money I was making each month. I transferred all the bills into my name and onto the credit cards. I also had to look at my lifestyle. Since my husband had a well-paying job, I had to be realistic and think that when I got a job, I wasn’t going to make as much money as he did (but hopefully someday!).
After Damian died, I took a short time to grieve and then started working full-time at a parts assembly plant. There were times when I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it. I was 45 years old and was entering the workforce in a new career, but I am very proud of myself and the strength that we women have, of our ability to reinvent ourselves for our family after facing life’s adversities.
I still have difficult days when I find it hard to even get out of bed or all I can do is think about Damian and the long life we thought we had left. But then I remember my daughters, my mother and my strength. And I remember that no matter how dark the road may seem to us, with effort and struggle, women become more powerful and independent every day.
