IMany of us who suffer from emotional or mental illness ask a lot of questions. I mean, there’s so much we (don’t) understand, and we feel vulnerable when we don’t. But of all the questions we can ask, is this the most disturbing?
Therefore, it becomes a general statement that attempts to convey all kinds of feelings, including frustration, anger, sadness, helplessness, and despair.
It makes sense that anyone suffering from a medical condition would ask a lot of questions.
“What do I have?” “How long will it last?” “How do I make it go away?” “Will it ever go away?” And many more.
But I think there is one question that stands above all of them and that we ask ourselves many times a day, often without realizing it…
“Because I?”
What is the phrase “Why me?” about?
“Why me?” is a legitimate question to ask ourselves calmly when trying to discover how we acquired the cause of our suffering.
Who wouldn’t want to know if it’s genetics, anatomy and physiology, environment, lifestyle, etc.?
But for people in our area, the question “Why me?” is often asked for a different reason – and therefore, with a different inflection.
It becomes a general statement that attempts to convey all kinds of feelings, including frustration, anger, sadness, helplessness, and despair.
Where are you with the “Why me?”
—Wow! I said it again. It’s become a bad habit.
You knew this was going to happen, right? Where are you with the question “Why me?”? Is it part of your repertoire of feelings and expressions? Maybe in the past?
If it’s a factor in your life, think about the reasons why you use it. That is, you should know that it’s not rhetorical. Or maybe you’re not even aware that you say it or how often you do it.
By the way, when I ask these questions and share ideas, I also direct them inward.
What does this achieve for you?
So what do you accomplish by asking yourself “Why me?”? I understand those moments of frustration, anger, sadness, helplessness, despair, etc.
And in the midst of those moments anything can pass through our minds or fly out of our mouths.
But has the question “why me?” become a constant problem? And if so, what do you think is behind it? There has to be some kind of reward if a behavior becomes a pattern, right?
Or maybe it’s just an old, nasty habit.
Is the question “Why me?” harmful?
Do you think the question “Why me?” is harmful? I say yes. Think about it. If we get stuck on the question “Why me?” doesn’t that become a serious impediment to our recovery?
How can we focus on strategies and techniques to move forward and grow if we remain rooted in the supposed cause, irrationality and injustice of our circumstances?
We can not.
Acceptance and suffering
When we ask ourselves the question “Why me?” it all comes down to acceptance. Surely, the statement would be less useful if we accepted (not resigned ourselves to) that which causes us suffering, and to suffering itself.
Check out this data on acceptance from an article I published some time ago: Acceptance: The Missing Piece in the Healing Puzzle…
It’s natural to struggle to find a solution when we encounter a problem. And in the outside world, it’s the only way to do it. But when we try to force the solution from what we experience internally, we fail again and again. Trying to get rid of the pain only amplifies it, makes us feel more stuck, and creates trauma.
Accepting that little bit of truth will go a long way toward removing the question “Why me?” from our minds and mouths.
And then there is suffering. Consider this from Viktor Frankl. Man’s search for meaning…
By accepting this challenge to suffer courageously, life has meaning until the very last moment and literally retains it until the very end. In other words, the meaning of life is unconditional, including even the potential meaning of inevitable suffering.
Between the eyes.
Doesn’t the same thing happen to you?
Finally, I want you to try something. Next time you are about to say “Why me?”, or just after, add a little three-letter word…
“Because No me?”
I do, and it gives me a lot of perspective. After all, am I so special that nothing unfortunate can happen to me?
Doesn’t the same thing happen to you?
There is much more information and inspiring articles where this one came from. Check out Chipur’s titles.
After a decades-long battle with panic, generalized anxiety, mood swings and alcohol dependency, Bill finally found the passion of his life and work: helping those in the same situation. At age 49, he began graduate school and earned his counseling credentials. And he continues his service through Chipur and other projects.
