“Why am I afraid to die?”

METERI’m guessing that at least half of the people reading this are afraid of dying. And it’s a double whammy because the fear of death breeds fear of living. We can’t let that happen. So what is the fear of death? And how can we control it?

In the 1942 Charlie Chan movie Castle in the desertThere is a scene where Madame Saturnia tells Chan that he has enemies.

She goes on to say, “I see death chasing you like an arrow.” Chan calmly replies, “The man who fears death dies a thousand times.”

Introduction

In clinical circles, the fear of death (or dying) is known as thanatophobia. The origin of the word is in Greek mythology, with Thanatos being the personification of death. Interestingly, he was frequently referred to, but rarely appeared in person.

I would like you to keep two questions in mind as you read: Do you fear death? And if so, how does it generate fear in life?

Hmm, the fear of death generates fear of the very thing that prevents it.

Let’s get busy…

What is the fear of death?

Although it may seem obvious, what exactly is the fear of death?

In very simple terms, it is an existential phobia that produces symptoms such as anxiety, dread, apprehension, depression and more when thinking about one’s own death, the process of dying or ceasing to exist.

All of the above can also be generated by the fear of the death of someone we love.

It is normal to have occasional episodes of fear of death, but if they increase in frequency and cause constant disruptions to your daily routine, it is time to seek help.

My personal experience

I’m curious, have you felt any mood dips or increased anxiety since you started reading the article? I got nervous more than once while researching and writing the article.

And there is a reason…

I’ve struggled with the fear of death, off and on, throughout my adult life. Sometimes I visualize “the moment.” You know, when it’s time to throw away my cards, cash in my chips, and go home.

Funny, I have an age in mind (but I’m not going to say it). What about you?

A recurring dream

I even have a recurring dream about death. The context varies, but suddenly it is revealed that the world will end in a matter of minutes. How it will happen is a mystery, though I often believe it is eschatological in nature.

So there I am, dazed and then dissociated, searching for signs that we are ready to leave. I wonder how it will happen, even visualizing what I hope will be a fascinating transition to a heavenly “other side.” Dreams never get there, though.

Do you think or dream about things like that?

As I approach my 70th birthday, I still have scary thoughts about death; however, they are less frequent and less intense. That’s a common thing with aging, by the way.

“The Great Concert in Heaven”

So, according to one of the background voices (the doorman at Abbey Road Studios) in Pink Floyd’s “The Great Gig in the Sky,” it all comes down to this…

And I’m not afraid of dying. Any time will do, I don’t care. Why should I be afraid of dying? There’s no reason for that: one has to die at some point.

I guess it really can be that simple.

What causes the fear of death?

As with any emotional or mental health condition, it can be difficult to find confirmed causes for fear of death. But let’s look at some interesting possibilities.

Religiosity seems to play a role, but perhaps not in the way you might think. Studies have shown that people with higher religiosity, regardless of their culture or religion, have a greater fear of death. Nonbelievers and highly religious people fear death less.

Physical health also plays a role. People with better physical health tend to fear death less. Does this apply to emotional and mental health? I think so.

Psychotheoretical

It is always a good idea to consult with the most in-depth psychologists. Sigmund Freud believed that the fear of death was a way of hiding unresolved childhood conflicts. No wonder.

Erik Erikson chimed in, saying: “ego integrity,” which is achieved when we find meaning or purpose after a thorough review of life in late adulthood. He proposed that those who have achieved ego integrity have much lower levels of “death anxiety.”

Terrorism management theory (TMT) was developed by social psychologists Jeff Greenberg, Tom Pyszczynski, and Sheldon Solomon, based on the ideas of cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker.

Becker suggested that “death anxiety” is not only extremely real, but is our primary concern.

It is so powerful and influential that it can generate fears and phobias in everyday life. Moreover, according to Becker, everyday behaviour consists of trying to deny death and keeping anxiety under strict control.

We incorporate all kinds of mental mechanisms and physical actions – many of them without even realizing it – in our efforts to protect ourselves. And denial tops the list of reasons why we shut out the reality of death.

Small doses of denial are to be expected, but when it is taken to the extreme, the emotional and mental toll is tremendous.

Where are you with denial?

How to deal with the fear of death?

The first thing we can do to control the fear of death is to accept the fact that we are going to die. Here’s how it works.

And no matter how it happens, when it’s over, it’s over completely. The pain, the suffering, the regret of leaving loved ones and friends, it’s all gone.

It’s like being afraid of a procedure that requires anesthesia. All we have to do is get to the IV and we’re home.

And let’s not forget that we may be pleasantly surprised by what lies ahead. When I look up at the sky, I always think, “Until someone tells me exactly where it ends, I can only believe that there is much more to life and death than we could ever imagine and understand.”

The meaning of life

We must make our lives a task that allows us to actively find and engage with the meaning of our lives. It is true that facing mortality can be daunting, but a firm understanding of the meaning of life can give us the strength and resilience we need to neutralize it.

One final point: it is crucial to question and explore our core life beliefs, and the thoughts, feelings and behaviors they generate.

Often, what we think is the real problem is a cover for something else entirely, if not something that lies deeper within.

A great opportunity

Fear of death, fear of living: what are we going to do, right? Well, let’s take on the challenge of putting things in their place. Don’t you think this is a great opportunity for exploration and growth?

Again, if you are really struggling, seek professional help.

And now, some parting gifts…

“I am not afraid of death. I was dead for billions of years before I was born and I did not suffer the slightest inconvenience from it.” Mark Twain

“Just as a well-spent day brings with it a happy sleep, so a life well spent brings with it a happy death.” Leonardo da Vinci

“Our death is not the end if we can live on in our children and in the younger generations. For they are us, our bodies are only withered leaves on the tree of life.” Albert Einstein

“Do not fear death, the sooner we die, the longer we shall be immortal.” Benjamin Franklin

“I’m not afraid of death because I don’t believe in it. It’s just getting out of one car and getting into another.” John Lennon

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” Dr. Seuss

“To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” JK Rowling

I got several bits of information from an excellent article in Psychology Today.Why we fear death and how to overcome it” was written by Jade Wu, PhD. Highly recommended reading.

Looking at the sun: overcoming the fear of death by psychiatrist Irvin D. Yalom is another excellent read.

And those articles with information and inspiration about Chipur: I would love for you to check them out (you could do it too).

After a decades-long battle with panic, generalized anxiety, mood swings and alcohol dependency, Bill finally found the passion of his life and work: helping those in the same situation. At age 49, he began graduate school and earned his counseling credentials. And he continues his service through Chipur and other projects.