I hate platitudes in general, but I especially hate platitudes when applied to mental illness. It’s very condescending when people offer you simple advice and tell you it will fix everything. It’s disgustingly pious when people tell you that you’re looking at things or handling things the wrong way because they know a rhyming couplet. Not only are topicals unlikely to be helpful in general, I would suggest they are even less so for people with a mental illness (especially serious mental illnesses like bipolar disorder). Here’s why people need to stop offering topicals to those suffering from mental illness (and maybe everyone else).
recent topics directed at my mental illness
Someone sent me this very useful topic the other day on social media:
“Perhaps you were assigned this mountain to show others that it can be moved.”
To which I responded: “I doubt it.” (I’m really not that special.)
The person responded with this:
“Doubting destroys more dreams than failure ever will. Keep believing, keep trying, and let your actions prove your doubts wrong.”
My mental illness received a double dose of topical. Lucky me.
Why people force platitudes about mental illness
When people offer platitudes about mental illness, I think multiple factors come into play.
- People think platitudes are useful. If a new age guru said it (or if he was in a fortune cookie), it must be true and useful.
- People assume that if a topic was beneficial for them, it will also be beneficial for you.
- People think that makes them look smart. A person may think that being able to pull a cited platitude out of thin air makes them seem intelligent and makes them feel good about themselves for being able to offer such “wisdom.”
- People don’t know what to say about such a serious topic and that’s why they cling to someone else’s words.
In the above cases, malice is not understood. People are simply misinformed about what mental illness is and how the everyday struggles of life don’t compare to a disabling, life-threatening, lifelong illness.
I think the person who said these things to me on social media had the best of intentions. I think she thought she was being helpful. I don’t think he was trying to be condescending and pious. The problem is, that’s how it seemed.
The problems of topics about mental illness
I’m honestly not sure who topicals help, but I know they don’t help people with mental illness.
First of all, I don’t believe in fortune cookie wisdom, and I especially don’t believe in fortune cookie wisdom that doesn’t take mental illness into account. Because when someone says something as common as: “You can do whatever you want; You just have to try”, they are not even remotely taking into account people with disabilities.
I would say that is not true for anyone, we all have limiting factors, but those of us who are disabled have very notable limiting factors.
For example, I used to work in an office for more than 40 hours a week. It was a good job for a great company. I made a lot of money and made great profits. However, I can’t do that anymore. I am now disabled to the point that I cannot work eight hours (or more) a day, five days a week. I literally can’t do it. It is impossible. I’m too sick. No matter how much I want he; Can’t do he.
And that is one of the most common and accepted topics. It certainly gets worse the more unusual the topic.
Furthermore, platitudes are intended to tell you how to think and act. He tells you that how you are thinking and acting right now is wrong, and this simple platitude about mental illness will fix that; will fix you.
This negates a person’s experience and journey. This invalidates where they are today, which is probably a lot more thoughtful than anything you might find in a fortune cookie. There is a reason why people think the way they do. There is a reason why people act the way they do. They usually think and act the way they do because it is what is best for them, considering many complicated factors. Could they improve? Likely. We can all. But they’re not going to get better with a fortune cookie. They simply are not.
People with mental illnesses deserve better than platitudes. We just do it.
Don’t offer platitudes about mental illness; do this instead
I think some quotes and platitudes can contain a grain of wisdom. We don’t need to overlook that and throw the baby out with the incredibly annoying bathwater.
Instead of just saying a platitude, how about you say something like this: “I like this quote. It helped me. For me, it means. . .”
Then you can start a conversation about because you think something is useful. That’s the shocking part. The impactful part is how a specific topic helped you and why you think it might help someone else. This open dialogue allows the person with the mental illness to say why it may or may not be relevant or helpful to them.
Or, for the love of God, just speak in your own words from a personal perspective. Your thoughts don’t have to be short or concise to matter.
And finally, be prepared for your thoughts to be rejected. Look, unless you have a serious mental illness, it is highly unlikely that you understand our challenges. Just accept that our lives are different from yours. Just accept that what speaks to you may not speak to us. Just accept that topicals are probably not helpful for people with mental illness. And that’s fine.
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