There was a lot to love in the 1990s. Kate and Leo in Titanic. the cast of Friends. The Spice Girls (girl power!).
The ’90s also introduced a whole new way of looking at love. Relationship Self-Help Book by Marriage Counselor Gary Chapman, “The five love languages: the secret to lasting love” He said that people give and receive love in five different ways.
If you show love in a way that doesn’t match the way your partner receives it, your partner may not feel loved, despite all your efforts. But once you and your partner learn each other’s love languages, you’ll live happily ever after. (Okay, that last part is a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s true that you might be happier.)
You’ve probably heard of love languages before. On social media, the term has become a popular term for things that bring joy (i.e. “My love language is tacos”). But cultural popularity aside, recent investigation suggests that romantic couples who express their feelings based on love languages have overall better quality relationships and more sexual satisfaction.
Read: Great sex with Emily Jamea: finding your sexual flow >>
The same study found that discovering your partner’s love language doesn’t necessarily happen over time. You have to make an effort to learn about love languages and see if this knowledge helps you connect.
What are the 5 languages of love?
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Love languages can be applied to all relationships (romantic and otherwise).
According to Chapman’s theory,
five love languages are:
- acts of service: Do nice things for your partner. This can include unloading the dishwasher, picking up medications at the pharmacy, and taking that Amazon package you’ve been eyeing to the post office.
- physical touch: Make a connection using a touch (appropriate). Physical contact can be anything from holding hands to massaging and having sex.
- Quality time: Be together and be present. That means undivided attention (ahem, no smartphone) or doing something you enjoy together, whether it’s an activity or just hanging out.
- Gifts: Offering tokens of love. From flowers to Fendi, gifts, small and large, show thoughtfulness and effort.
- words of affirmation: Give verbal compliments, praise and encouragement. This can also include text messages, emails, and notes.
What is my love language?
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Most of us have more than one love language, according to Chapman, but we rely on one more than the others.
To discover your love language, ask yourself what description makes you feel most loved, appreciated, and happy. For example, does a hug or holding hands make you feel more loved? Then your main love language is probably physical touch.
There is also a love language test designed by Chapman that you can use to determine your love language.
To speak your partner’s love language, ask them to take the same assessment and/or questionnaire and see what they say makes them feel most loved. You might be surprised at what she learns (and you might save some money if she’s been thinking they were gifts this whole time).
Who knows? Defining your love language could improve your relationship – but either way, you’ll always have tacos.
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