Someone you love or care about very much has told you that they want to “transition.” What does it mean and what do you do now?
Gender transition is the process in which someone changes their outward appearance and sometimes their body to match the gender they identify with. For example, if someone was assigned male at birth but identifies as female, her transition could involve changing her name, wearing different clothes, and possibly taking hormones or undergoing surgery to align her physical appearance with her true self. gender.
Gender and anxiety, depression, and co-occurring disorders are related topics that are fortunately receiving more research and exploration in the field of mental health.
As ADAA’s 2024 Annual Conference focuses on sex and gender, it is important that mental health experts have access to more evidence-based information on topics related to gender and how to support people on their identity journeys. .
7 tips to show support
Supporting a loved one through their gender transition can be a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and redefining relationships. There is guidance on how to navigate this path with self-compassion, empathy, and support.
1.Your support matters
Your support is invaluable to your gender diverse loved one. Research has shown that transgender people with supportive families experience better mental health and overall well-being. Even reading this blog is a demonstration of your willingness to understand and support your loved one. By doing so, you are already making a significant difference in their life.
2. It’s okay to not fully understand
The belief that there are only two genders is deeply rooted in many societies and cultures, making it difficult to change perspective. Being different in terms of gender is sometimes considered a problem, something to be ashamed of, and even illegal in some places. Thinking flexibly may require you to challenge long-held beliefs and reevaluate aspects of your life. Be patient, be open and be curious.
3. Find common ground
While you may not fully understand it, remember that there is a part of you that does. We all share the fundamental desire to be loved, seen and appreciated for our authentic selves. This shared experience creates an opportunity for connection. Embrace the common ground of love and acceptance as a bridge to better understanding your gender diverse loved one.
4. Ask what support is like
Support can manifest itself in several ways. Ask your loved one how they view support. Each person’s needs and preferences are unique, so it is essential to have an open and honest conversation about their specific requirements.
5. Acknowledge feelings of loss
There may be some feelings of loss and anxiety about your loved one’s transition. You may have strong attachments to your legal name, your appearance, or other aspects of your personality that feel tied to the gender assigned at birth. You may miss aspects of the person you once knew, but remember that your loved one isn’t going anywhere. Acknowledge any feelings that may arise, including pain, while making room for the positive aspects of your transition.
6. Get your own support
Find support groups, trusted friends, and family who can give you a safe space to express your emotions and share your experiences. Be aware of significant changes in your mood, energy, appetite, and sleep patterns, as well as anxiety that interferes with your daily routine. These may be signs of clinical depression or anxiety that can be addressed with the support of a therapist, psychiatrist, or other mental health provider. Remember that you do not have to undertake this journey alone.
7. The trip
Watching your loved one become their most authentic self can be a beautiful experience, but it can also be disconcerting, confusing, and sometimes challenging for the people who love them. You will witness them becoming more comfortable and confident people, but it is important to remember that transgender and non-binary communities still face significant stigma and discrimination that can be difficult for loved ones to witness. Being present and there for your loved one can make all the difference.
Questions to ask on your journey to support your loved one
Questions are important, whether they are questions you ask yourself as a supporter of your loved one or questions you ask others, including your loved one. Some important questions could be:
1) Who is a safe and understanding person in my life that I can talk to about my loved one’s transition?
2) What is best about my loved one’s decision to transition? How could you improve your life?
3) Have I said or done anything in the past that might have made my loved one feel unsupported, insecure, or offended? How can I make amends and be mindful of not repeating such behaviors in the future?
4) What can I do today to communicate my desire to understand and support my loved one?
Signs of anxiety and distress in your loved one
Transgender people may experience increased levels of distress and anxiety due to social expectations, transphobia, and the challenges of the transition process. Signs of clinical depression and anxiety may include persistent feelings of sadness, changes in sleep patterns, loss of interest in activities, and increased irritability.
- Persistent sadness: Pay attention if your loved one consistently expresses overwhelming feelings of sadness or emptiness that persist for a long period of time.
- Changes in sleep patterns: Sleep disturbances, such as difficulty falling asleep or excessive sleeping, can be indicative of mental health problems.
- Loss of interest: A decrease in interest or pleasure in activities you previously enjoyed may indicate the presence of depression.
- Increased irritability: Increased irritability or anger that seems out of proportion to the situation may be a manifestation of underlying anxiety.
If you notice these signs persist, encourage your loved one to seek professional help. Mental health professionals with experience working with transgender people can provide specific support.
Online resources and support
Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers. But there is information and support. ADAA has a great Find Your Therapist tool as well as personal stories. Resources for gender diverse families, including articles, fact sheets, workbooks, and support groups, are also available online:
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