I am alive! I had absolutely no intention of taking a break from blogging, especially one this long, but time flew by. I’m not even sure where to start catching up, although there really isn’t much to catch up on.
I almost decided to wait until tomorrow to write again, simply because I don’t want to weigh myself today. I keep reminding myself that I don’t “owe” a weigh-in on my blog, but I still feel guilty for not doing it. It’s been a long time since I’ve avoided the scale like this! (Avoiding the scale is usually a slippery slope for me.)
I feel exactly the same as I did last year when I gained weight so quickly. I had been feeling ridiculously emotionally overwhelmed, and when I felt like things might be getting better, it was like I had a sense of relief and suddenly my appetite skyrocketed. I hadn’t realized how low my appetite had been in late summer/early fall until it came back so quickly.
After what Jerry calls “the worst year of our lives” (referring to the long series of mini-disasters/events we’ve dealt with), things are starting to look up. I’m too afraid to curse him, so I won’t go into details until everything goes as promised, but Jerry got some very good news at work about his work schedule; As we mentioned, he’s been trying to get a day. He changed a while ago, and what they have promised him is better than he expected. But I don’t consider it done until it happens, which is supposed to be mid-December.
Paying off the car and house last month was a huge relief—debt, even a mortgage, always leaves that little nagging feeling somewhere in the backlog of unfinished business. (At least it is for me). Even though it was the price of my car (literally), it was worth it! When I have errands to run or places to go, I simply plan them for when Jerry is home sleeping or away from work.
We have considered purchasing another vehicle, but now is the worst time to buy a car. The interest rates alone are FIVE TIMES higher than when we bought my car in 2020! So until interest rates go down, we’re going to continue to settle for one car between Jerry and me.
Anyway, the point is, I’ve been feeling a lot of RELIEF recently. Aside from the fact that our boiler stopped working completely a couple of days ago (*sigh*), we haven’t had any disasters since the flood. Jerry has also felt this sense of relief and it has been very nice for both of us.
Except… we’ve been eating terribly. Both of us. It’s almost like we’ve been treating the last few weeks like a vacation, lol. You know that feeling when you go on vacation and all the usual eating habits/rules don’t apply? This is how we have been acting. (I still eat vegan, but vegan doesn’t mean healthy, that’s for sure). And I know my weight is increasing, even without looking at the scale. I can see it in the mirror, I can feel it on my clothes and I definitely feel it when I move my body.
Yesterday, Jerry and I talked about how our eating habits have become very lax and we both feel ready to get back on track. It’s only fun for a while; And this “vacation” has to end before we both gain 50 pounds. The funny thing is that we don’t insist on it at all. Yes, I sure wish I had made better decisions, but I also don’t feel self-hatred or anything for having been quite reckless recently. Getting through the last year without gaining 50 pounds is an achievement in itself.
The hardest part right now is simply recognizing that I’m not “too lost” and that the dietary damage can be minimized. However, it’s surprising how quickly our taste buds can change. The healthy food that I had become so accustomed to does not have the same appeal as it did a few weeks ago. I also started craving junk food that I hadn’t even thought about for at least a year or more.
Fortunately, just as taste buds can get worse, they can also change for the better. After a few weeks (or maybe less) of eating healthy again, I will start to enjoy it as much as before; and the cravings I have developed will disappear.
However, despite everything, I managed to continue my daily running habit. It’s been 75 days and I’ve run around the block (sometimes two blocks) every morning, before doing anything else. There are days (probably most days) that I think for a moment (in a whiny voice), “I don’t want to run today!” but then I remind myself that it’s literally a block (I can practically see my house for the entire 0.4 mile), so my brief thought of “I don’t want to” is immediately dismissed.
However, I think I got a little too excited adding more habits in October, so I’d like to go back to basics. I can choose ONE new habit to work on each month; Otherwise, I forget or get overwhelmed by trying to make too many changes at once.
I feel like the running habit is completely ingrained now and although I’ve already done pretty well, I’d like to work on making stretching as important a daily habit as running is. I was trying to get used to stretching before bed, but found it inconvenient during my nighttime routine; I’m much more likely to do it if I do it in the afternoon. And it’s not that I don’t like it! I always feel good afterwards. And I definitely think it has made a difference in the flexibility and stiffness of my back.
I had been working on doing three stretches of 30 seconds each, but I always found myself doing them for longer. So now I’m going to plan to do four stretches as a daily habit; I probably do more than I plan to, but like running, I keep the goal very low to make it a daily habit.
Also, to work on making it a habit, I plan to do it at 1:45 every afternoon. I don’t have an evening routine to build habits like I do in the morning and at night, but usually between 1:30 and 2:00 is a convenient time during the day. I’ll see how it works and re-evaluate if doing it at a certain time doesn’t work.
Okay, this post was all over the place, but that’s what I get for taking a week off from blogging. Bottom line: My diet hasn’t been going well lately, but mentally, I feel better than I have in a long time. Still, I want to go back to eating and behaving the way I feel best. This week I’m going to face the scale and work from there.
I planned meals today and considering our oven is broken right now, I included a lot of soup. It’s usually easy to add to the slow cooker, so I think it will help with this week’s healthy dinners. I will focus on consuming lots of fiber; something I’ve been missing recently. Adding beans to soup is the easiest way to get a ton of fiber!
