National Coming Out Day, celebrated each year on October 11, can be a day of coming out, celebrating, or exploring for queer people. Coming out is a deeply personal experience loaded with many feelings inherent to people who wish to share their gender or sexual identity with others. It is a nuanced event, as it does not occur just once in a queer person’s life, but can occur multiple times or even daily.
Angel Zhong, Zoe Stoller, Theo Schwartz, and Alex Guerra recently joined me to talk about their unique experiences coming out. After an hour together, I left with a new perspective on what it can be like to be queer and feel like you need to come out. Here are four takeaways that might be helpful to other allies or those thinking about coming out.
1. Being authentically yourself may be best for your mental health.
While coming out can be scary, it can also be very rewarding. Feeling like you have to hide parts of who you are is downright exhausting. To understand yourself better, take time to explore yourself and practice self-compassion. Having peace with your identity and living true to yourself can be one of the most beneficial things for your mental health.
2. Coming out of the closet has to be comfortable for you.
There is a lot of pressure when thinking about coming out for the first time. Take time to remind yourself that there is no right or wrong way to share who you are. You can choose when, how and who to talk to. When you feel comfortable enough to come out, do it in any way that feels right to you. Zoe shared that they felt too much pressure and social anxiety to come out in person, so they texted those who were important to them. Whether it’s an Instagram post on National Coming Out Day like Theo, a public poem read at a National Coming Out Day event like Angel, or over time through personal conversations like Alex, the choice is up to you. you.
3. It’s never too late to be yourself.
There is no correct timeline for coming out. At any time you can question yourself, discover yourself, try therapy, work on your mental health, and find what living authentically means to you. Whether you’re 18 or 50, you can start living your life for yourself. It’s never too late to say that today is the day.
4. There is a community for you.
Community is an essential part of feeling supported in your identity. One of the best support systems for someone worried about coming out is the queer community itself. Allies are important, but there is something to be said for the support of someone who has been through the same thing as you and knows what you are experiencing. If you don’t have a queer community you can connect with near you or safely, there are ways to connect online through social media, influencers you follow, and support groups or forums. Find more resources in our LGBTQ+ Center.
Coming out is about accepting your true self, expressing it safely and comfortably, and finding the support you need. There is never a right way to come out; you decide what that looks like. Living authentically can be a beautiful thing for your mental health. Embrace it and celebrate it, because the world needs you just the way you are.
Listen to our entire conversation, Living Authentically: Coming Out LGBTQ+ Here and learn more about our partner, Depression looks like me.
Jackie Zimmermann is director of public education and e-learning partnerships at Mental Health America.
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